Questionnaire: Do You Feel Guilty About Saying No to Your Kids?

As a parent have you ever felt guilty that you can’t - or won’t - buy your kids the kind of heavily advertised branded toys and games that they see on the TV? If so, then you’re certainly not alone.

Marketers spend millions on producing the kind of adverts designed to make kids pester parents for the latest products.

Since all good parents want to provide for their kids, it’s not surprising many feel a twinge of guilt when saying ‘no’.

So are you a permanently guilty parent – or happy to answer in the negative? Take our short questionnaire and find out. Scroll down for some useful tips at the end too.

Questionnaire

1. You’re in the supermarket doing the weekly ‘big shop’ with your kids when your youngest starts demanding a brand of baked beans featuring his favourite TV cartoon character. Do you:
a) Give in, get the beans and avoid a tantrum.
b) Promise him you’ll get them next week - if he’s on his best behaviour.
c) Just say no and move on.

2. Your oldest comes home from school and asks you for a new computer game for his console because ‘everyone else has one’. Do you:
a) Tell him/her you’re too busy to think right now – but they should talk to your spouse later.
b) Ask them to give you some more details. Has the game got an age rating that means it may feature inappropriate content?
c) Tell him/her they’ve got enough games already (which they hardly ever play anyway!).

3. For your children’s next birthday party they want to have a bash at your local fast food joint (which you try and avoid) - mainly because they’re offering a promotion tied in with an upcoming kid’s movie. Do you:
a) Say yes straight away. After all – most of your kid’s friends eat there regularly.
b) Talk to your partner and come up with a ‘deal’. Perhaps your children could go if they promise to eat their quota of fruit and veg for the rest of the month.
c) No way – make them choose another venue.

4. As a parent how much do you monitor the way your kids use the media?
a) Not very much – I might ask them what they’re watching on the TV.
b) I keep a watchful eye on what programmes they watch on TV and monitor what sites they’re viewing on the internet.
c) I try and monitor everything that they see.

5. One of your children says that they’re feeling peer pressure at school to wear expensive designer sportswear. Do you…
a) Put aside some of the monthly budget so you can save up and buy a branded tracksuit.
b) Explain that expensive clothes aren’t important – but they could try and save for them out of their pocket money every month.
c) Say no and explain that appearances aren’t important.

Summary

If you answered mostly ‘a’s: Although you mean well, friends may characterise you as a ‘pushover parent’. While you certainly love your kids, saying ‘yes’ to their every whim won’t help them become well-rounded adults. Let yourself off the guilt trip and discover the power of saying ‘no’ every so often! It helps to give concrete reasons (ie ‘we just can’t afford it’) but remember ‘because I say so’ can work just as well to unreasonable demands.

If you answered mostly ‘b’s: Congratulations – you’ve probably hit the right balance. You’re not afraid to say ‘no’ – but you’re more likely to save it as a last resort. Responses that put the ball back in your kids’ court (like ‘why don’t you save up for it’?) buy time. The chances are that in a week or so your kids will have forgotten all about it.

If you answered mostly ‘c’s: You’re great at saying no – but are you cutting your kids off in the process? Constantly giving them a straight ‘no’ might leave them feeling powerless in regular family life. Let them occasionally cut a deal on the things they really want – whether it’s saving up for them or committing to more chores.